When I think of where I was not long ago, I’m amazed. My heart was broken, my spirit in torment and my mind a jumbled mess. I was trying to find the right way to go but I wasn’t using the only light provided to me in order to find the next step. I was trying to hear God’s voice but couldn’t above the yelling of the chaos around me. I wanted to please the Lord but was battling with wanting to please the world as well.
I allowed my heart to be turned from my King, which was one of the greatest mistakes I have ever made. It led me down a dark path, a path leading to nowhere but confusion, torment and hurt. I was lost and knew it but didn’t know how to get back. The moment I took my eyes off Jesus I became entangled in a web of lies.
When I think about where I was, I hurt for me, for the girl who was wounded and crying alone in an empty room. I want to hug that girl, hold her in my arms and tell her things will get better. I wish I could talk to her, guide her towards the right path, the path back to healing, but I don’t know if she would listen. Although my heart aches for her, because of that girl crying in the empty room, I know what it feels like to be lost and heartbroken, therefore I know how to never be in that same room again.
I feel for the old me but am so thankful for the new me. I am walking with my head held high, my shoulders back, my eyes shining and my mouth smiling. I am not hurting and crying alone in an empty room anymore, I am rejoicing and singing in a room filled to the brim with the presence of God. I will never go back to where I was, I am far too satisfied being in the company of my King to ever leaves His side again.
So, although I would change my past if I could, I am thankful for the memory of the girl I used to be. Because of her, I will never let go of my Father’s hand, I will never turn my eyes from His, and I will never allow my own desires to be placed above the desires of my Lord. Because of that lonely girl, I have battle wounds that turned to battle scars. My scars are a memory of the fight I went through, of the battle I had to win in order to get to where I am today. Because of that big empty room, I am now in a room so filled with the presence and power of God I could never imagine walking out of it.
Thank you to the old me, for, because of her, I am here today, rejoicing in my salvation.
“But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation. I will sing unto the Lord, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.” -Psalm 13:5-6